Missing you :(

There are times when i miss you a lot
I remember all the time i spent with you
When i close my eyes and see you face smiling at me
Afraid of opening my eyes as i know you would not be there

If you think i don't love you
Or i don't have time for you
Someday when no is around
Meet my pillow which carries a lot of secrets

I ran for you, I fought for you
And finally when i reached to you
All i saw is your back
Saying me a little word "BYE"

Even though i smile a lot
Sometimes my heart aches too
Even though i never complain anything
But i could have complains too

I wish you were here to talk with me
To understand me, To make me stop crying
To hug me and Make me feel
That you will never leave me alone EVER!! :(

Too scared and will always be…

I don't know what I felt

I don’t know why my heart melts

The first site of yours

Made my heartbeat crazy

And I got stuck with my life

Don’t know how come you meant everything to me

All it takes is hearing your name… a picture of yours

To make me fall in love again and again

To keep dreaming about you …about us

You talked to me was just a fluke

Loneliness with a broken heart was just a sequence

My tears never make much sound or you were too far to hear

Don’t know how I could continue

 How could I get the new life

Seeing you remind me you aren’t mine

But I will wipe you out of my heart

Trying this is the best I can

I will open my eyes again

Open my mind again

A new smile on my face

Just can’t open my heart again

Because I am too scared and will always be…

यही जिंदगी है ....

जब कुछ सपने यूँ झटके से टूटे

जो थे अपने जब वही निकले झूठे 

जब अरमानो की लाश को खुद आग दी

तब अहसास हुआ यही जिंदगी है

कभी दुसरो की खातिर कभी अपनों की खातिर

झूठी मुस्कराहट बिखेरते बिखेरते 

दिखा दर्पण जब एक दिन

अहसास आया यही जिंदगी है

बहुत हस लिए जब दूसरो पर 

खुदको जब देखा एक दिन 

और फूट फूट कर रोया

खुदको समझाया यही जिंदगी है

जब खूब दौड़ कर भी वो ना कर सके हासिल

जो पाना था बहुत पीछे रह गया

जहा देखने पर सक धुंधला नजर आता है

अहसास हुआ यही जिंदगी है

रोते हुए चेहरे पर जब पड़ी खुशिओ की चमक

पहली बार जिंदगी का अहसास लिया 

और खुशिया देने वाले ने जब कीमत मांग ली

अहसास हुआ यही जिंदगी है 

I won't cry

When I see back I see it blank
The hope which was struggling is finally dead
Forgetting you so soon is very hard
To stop my tears there is no guard
But this time I won’t break
For my own sake ... I won’t cry

I would be happy if you were mine
Life would have been full of rhyme
But here I am alone
Just in sentence of my crime
But this time I won’t break
For my own sake ... I won’t cry

I lost you...

Yesterday night while seeing your pictures

I thought if I could hold you tight

Wanted real presence of yours

Which I could catch in my sight

A silent tear rolled out of my eyes

And I realised … I lost you

Regret is the only feeling which I feel everyday

Feelings which I have are not easy to say

The only thing I know I didn’t deserve this pain

I had something real which is flowing in my vein

My heart you took and broke it badly

Something which hurt me so deadly

I looked at your smiling face, tried out find out why

It was all I could do, to not to begin cry

While sleeping if look at the sky

I could make your picture and feel like cry

On bed I thought who is my best buddy?

Who do I love the most?

And I realised … I lost you

Feeling this much pain

Thought someone I could have

Who could feel me, make me laugh and smile

Walk with me for a longer mile

And I realised … I lost you

Death is the only way...

Seeing you going far from me..

Unexpressed pain...make me feel

I was never born to be loved..

Alone on the path

Just for sake of life

Unloved emotionless life just going on

Who will give everything just to quench the thirst of a real smile

The only wish of life which remained in heart

If you could ever understand my love

Even just for few moments

But the smile on your face

Makes me feel

You don’t need me…

And the time makes me realised…

That death is the only way…

Because I love you...

Flawless tears ..with extreme pain..

Driving me somewhere…

Where I never wanted to be

I know I tried hard

May be I am not good at all

Or you are not supposed to be with me

But I really can’t help, Because I love you…

And there is a little heart

That is seriously hurt

And when each beat of it echo’s your name

It makes my brain restless

Seems like you reside in here

Tried every way to forget you

But I really can’t help, Because I love you…

If I give you a smile

You might think I am happy

The day you will feel the pain behind that

I believe you will be with me forever 

Just waiting for that day

I know you will understand one day

Because I love you...

Just give me your love...

Slowly you are moving out of my world

Leaving me alone to feel the curse

With all those moments all those memories

I can just see you going so far

Feels like I stuck somewhere

Pushing my life to be on track

Asking you to give my heart back

And I am sorry for all interfere

I know it is very hard for you

But there is easy way too

Just give me your love and smile for me

Just give me your love and smile for me

डर लगता है...

डर लगता है जिंदगी से की इसे खो ना दूँ कहीं
डर  लगता है निकलने में बाहर की रो न दूँ कहीं

उठा सकूँ नज़र जमीं से इतनी हिम्मत ही नहीं
ढूंढ रहा हूँ कुछ अपना जो खोया है यहीं कहीं


क्यों उसकी सिर्फ याद से दिल सहम जाता है
क्यों मुझे आजकल अपने आप पर रहम आता है

डर लगता है खुशियों से की वो कल लौट जाएंगी
फिर याद आ आ कर मुझे यूँ ही रुलाएंगी

धागा धागा करके खुल रही है ये जिंदगी की डोर
मधुर संगीत भी लगता है जैसे मचा रहा हो कोई शोर

बस अब चारो और अँधेरा है और शान्ति सी छाई है
जिंदगी में बस अब तन्हाई ही तन्हाई है

डर लगता है जिंदगी से की इसे खो ना दूँ कहीं
डर  लगता है निकलने में बाहर की रो न दूँ कहीं ||

क्यों आए तुम !!

जला के मैंने तुम्हारी आरजू , जिंदगी को अपनी दफ़न कर दिया 

हँसते मुस्कुराते चेहरे पर अपने, उदासी का कफ़न जड़ दिया 

अलग थे रास्ते अलग थी मंजिले 

फिर क्यों थोड़ी दूर भी साथ चले

वादा कर दिया जब हमने जिंदगी भर साथ निभाने के लिए 

तुम कहते हो की खेल रहे थे तुम हमे आजमानें के लिए 

बन गए हो ख्वाब बनकर सीने में इस कदर 

और चैन की नींद में हो तुम इन सबसे बेखबर

आज खुदको देखा आईने में तो एक अलग इंसान नज़र आ गया

ऐसा क्या नशा है तुम्हारा की मुझे ऐसा बना गया

मोहब्बत ही तो की कौनसा गुनाह कर दिया

बस गलती यही हुई की जो भी किया वो बेपनाह कर दिया

अब दिल चाहता है कहीं दूर चले जाने को

याद न आओ तुम कुछ ऐसा वक़्त बिताने को

जला के मैंने तुम्हारी आरजू , जिंदगी को अपनी दफ़न कर दिया 

हँसते मुस्कुराते चेहरे पर अपने, उदासी का कफ़न जड़ दिया ||

Cruelest Love .... :(

LOVE!! The most complex thing ever existed in this world. I tried to find almost everything about it. We worship love which teaches us how to live. The whole world you can see in her one smile. They are luckier who get it. Love makes people happy forever. J

And than there is another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one which almost kills its victim and its called unrequited love. To which I know much deeper. I suppose I think about love more then anyone really should.

Most of the stories which we often see are about the people who fall in love with each other, but how about few others, those of them who fall in love alone!!! Victims of the one sided affair. They are the cursed of the loved ones. They are the loved ones walking wounded.

You loved someone, so deeply without any demand, with all your heart because you loved. But then time comes which makes you realize that it was no good. And then you think those were the worst years of your life, the worst birthdays, new years, and celebrations. The time you have been in love have been the darkest days of your life. All because you are cursed by being in love with the one who does not and will not love you back.

But still you think about her and dream about her. You think like - .

Why am I attracted to a person I know isn’t good but Every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over. Oh god!! Just a sight of her, heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can’t swallow. You wanna forget everything but when she comes in front of you, you can’t resist, can’t control, you don’t know how and what happens to you. And you lose that argument with yourself that she is not for you, because you want to believe that you are wrong. Every time she does something that tells you she’s no good, you ignore it.

And then one day when you come across to your known reality, you feel like broken, flawless tears, you wanna go alone and alone, just out of this world, out of all relations. And it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you. It doesn’t matter how many clothes you get or gyms you join, how many glasses of wine you drink, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder where did you go wrong and how you could have misunderstood. And then you feel how ugly, useless you are. No one loves you, don’t even thinks about you.

Things end!!!

And how in the hell for that moment…you could think that you were that happy?? And sometimes you can even convince yourself …that she’ll see the light and show up at your door…And after all that … however long “all that” may be …you will go somewhere new… And you will meet people who will make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back…And all that fuzzy stuff…those years of your life that you wasted …that will eventually begin to fade…


Courtesy "The holiday"

जाने अनजाने में ...

जाने अनजाने में तुझसे प्यार करता रहा

घडी दर घडी तेरा इंतज़ार करता रहा

झूठे वादों में तेरे जिंदगी बिता दी

क्यूँ सब जान कर भी ऐतबार करता रहा

जानता हूँ की तू नही होगी कभी मेरी 

फिर क्यूँ बार बार तुझसे इकरार करता रहा

सुना है मिलती है ख़ुशी उम्मीद छूट जाने क बाद

उम्मीद छोड़ने की कोशिश मैं बार बार करता रहा

न दिया तुमने जवाब एक बार भी

फिर क्यूँ मैं बार बार वही सवाल करता रहा

अभी सूखे नहीं थे पुराने जख्म भी 

की मैं बार बार नए घाव करता रहा

जुदा हैं हम जुदा हो तुम

सब समझ कर भी मैं क्यों नादान बनता रहा 

क्यूँ सब जान कर भी तुझसे प्यार करता रहा||

After the death

One fine day ..when there will be no one around
I will meet you in my grave..

I believe you will come to me and talk to me
for hours and hours
You will be free from ties of life...
completely mine

I know you love me..You know i love you
that will be the real time...
There will be a beautiful world
after this life...

I am waiting for you...for your lovely death
we will rest in peace
Then no one will see us...
we will be together forever...

Just die my darling am waiting alone...

A Man...

A Man…

For whom smile is just a name of a girl…

For whom blushing is just a talk about a girl…

For whom treasure is just a chocolate gifted a girl…

For whom pleasure is watching a sleeping pearl…

A Man…

Who loves someone secretly…

Who need someone desperately…

Whose emotions are just inside of his heart…

Who wanna something to get start…

A Man…

Who feel the energy when someone is around…

Whose heart will soon be wound…

Who feels that girl is going far…

Everything he wanna do is not yar...

A Man…

Who feels slow in rain...

Who feels alone in pain…

Who feels like being cursed…

Who has a life where everything he wanted going reversed…

A Man…

Who always prays..

Who is getting long days…

Who always cares…

Who never dares…

A Man….

Who never says…

Who always pays…

Who will never ask…

Who will be soon a past…

Just a man…who thinks …A man… who thinks…

क्षत विक्षत जिंदगी

क्षत विक्षत सी हालत में,

जिंदगी यूँ ही चल रही है,

जो कभी मेरा हो ना सकेगा,

क्यों उसी की आज कमी खल रही है

आंसू के दो कतरे पलक से टपके

याद आया मेरे सपनों की चिता जल रही है

धुंधला सा हो चला है सब कुछ

किसी के लिए मेरी जिंदगी गल रही है

शरीर है जड़, ना सोचने की ताकत

ना जाने क्या बिमारी अंदर पल रही है

मस्तक पे चिंता की लकीरें

आँखे क्यों अंदर गढ़ रहीं हैं

क्षत विक्षत सी हालत में,

जिंदगी यूँ ही चल रही है,

सपनों का आशिया यूँ जमीं पर बिखरा

हर और बस काली हवा चल रही है

देख के जलती हुई आशिआने की लाश

जवानी कूद जाने को मचल रही है

तड़प रही है जिंदगी बेबस सी होकर

धड़कन है की बस धड़क रही है

सुन ली गई है शायद मेरी फ़रियाद 

धड़कन धीरे-धीरे अब थम रही है

क्षत विक्षत सी हालत में,

जिंदगी यूँ ही चल रही है,

जो कभी मेरा हो ना सकेगा,

क्यों उसी की आज कमी खल रही है

Why i do.... What i do... :(

Every time I start thinking about you…I think why I do what I do,

Though it’s hard to hold on you… but still I always do.

What ever goes wrong I think it will be fine tomorrow,

Tomorrow comes and instead it brings sorrow,

I always think positive and wait until I will find a way,

But colours of my life are fading and everything is getting grey,

Each moment of my day I think about you,

You talk to me, I get some illusion but I feel it so true,

I have so many feelings which are hurting me inside,

Faith and truth are going to collide.

Someone said everything is fair in love and war,

And so I can do anything but I am afraid of mar,

My life is the empty sky and you are the only star,

I wanna win your heart but why I am only up to par,

I am trying to come more and more near to you,

But inside of my heart I feel you are going far and far.

I need your head on my shoulder and wanna feel you are mine,

I will leave everything for you & will always keep you divine,

I know some dreams are just for be dreams,

And to make them true you need real bloodstreams,

I wanna forget you and wanna make you as a past,

I try hard and harder then feel good things never last,

I will loose you one day with all my tears,

And then life will be easy just like yesteryears.

Every time I start thinking about you…I think why I do what I do,

Though it’s hard to hold on you… but still I always do.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Why in this cruel world we never get the thing we desire most strongly. May be the reason is god always loves crying faces and falling tears. May be god always wanna be more and more powerful. He makes a person to cry, so people should come to him and pray something they desire, which increases the power of god. But god need to understand the more tears will come outside the more eyes will get dry and then there will be nothing named hope, wishes and happiness. And if he can not understand this then he does not deserved to be the GOD. May be god will be more happy that time. Wishing God to have the sad world to rule, stay happy and to be more powerful.  

The only thing we need to learn in our life is how to stay happy while you have nothing to stay happy or you have everything to stay happy.

The only thing which is constant in our whole life is Change. The sooner we will learn to accept changes the sooner we will learn to stay happy. So go ahead and accept the changes happily.

The only thing which will never leave us alone is our loneliness. People say that loneliness is the best friend too. So whenever you feel sad or hurt don’t share it with anyone just feel it when you are alone, May be it will be painful but it will lead you towards success and happiness.

I wanna go....

I wanna go there where are no dreams to dream

Everything is planned an you have to act like a machine

I wanna go there where is no trust and no care

Whatever get break anyone could repair

I wanna go there where is no word like expectation

And for getting release of your tension you don’t need meditation

I wanna go there where is no happiness and no sorrows

You don't have anyone with you, not even your shadows

I wanna go there where you don't have any freedom don't have any passion

You won’t get hurt and you won’t have any expression

I wanna go there where are no smiles and no tears

No one have enemies and no one have dears

I wanna go there where no one can see your tear

You can weep easily and no one comes near

I wanna go there where you don't need any hug you don't need any love

And life would be a straight road without any curve

I wanna go there where you really don’t have any relation

I think that place would be God's most beautiful creation

I accept I am defeated by my life and wanna go out of here

But I am bounded with all above things and I can’t do dare

I see here & there and feel everything is fake

Feelings, happiness and smiles are just for sake

Still i am running in lives race; don't know what I am and what I am doing

Alone in this world with worthless emotions my life is going and going