जिंदगी आजकल...

Had written this poem long back, posting it here today ...

लेकर चले थे जो एक छोटी सी ख्वाइश घर से
ना जाने कितनी दूर आ गए हैं
हो चुकी ना जाने कितनी ख्वाइशे पूरी
फिर भी ना जाने क्यों है जिंदगी अधूरी

अनजानों के साथ अनजानी राह पर चलते
ना जाने अपने कब अनजान हो गए
भागते रहे हम दूर इतना कि
अपने ही घर में मेहमान हो गए

हँसते हैं मुस्कुराते हैं और इश्क भी जताते हैं
फिर भी न जाने क्यों अपने को तनहा ही पाते हैं
कोई सुन न ले रात में ये सिसकिया हमारी
कुछ इसलिए भी हम रात जाग कर बिताते हैं

चलते जा रहे हैं हम दूर पर मंजिल नजर आती नहीं
खरीदे हुए सामानों से मन तो बहलता है पर ख़ुशी नजर आती नहीं
देखते हैं पुरानी यादो को अक्सर
पर याद क्यों अब रुलाती नहीं

मन करता है की जा सकू फिर से वापस
ले सकू सुकून  की एक नींद यू दादी की गोद में
रो सकू जी भर के जहाँ
और बता सकू की क्यों रोया हूँ मैं

पर फंस गया हूँ जिंदगी में इस खातिर
की बस अब यही सब सोचता हूँ मैं
रोज सोते वक़्त आँखों से आते पानी को
ना टूट जाने के डर से पोंछता हु मैं

ना जाने हर रात को बैचैन सा
यही सब सोचता हु मैं ॥

Sometimes i wish...

Well this poem is written for my grandma who is no more with us for more then a year now. Sometimes missing someone makes them realize the true value of a person. 


Sometimes i wish...
You were never gone
So far from this world
Giving tears in so many eyes
Making them alone forever

Sometimes i wish...
You were still here
Laughing with all of us in good times and bad
Scolding us with love as the way you used to do
Telling me how much you love to me

Sometimes i wish...
I could show the girl i chosen
The one you always asked me for
And can see shine in your eyes
And a proudy yes to approve the girl

Sometimes i wish...
To feel you back in life for real
And not just in dreams you come
To talk with you for hours and hours
To feel the love you gave us your whole life

Sometimes i wish...
That i could speak to you for one more time
Just one last time
To hug you tight and take blessings from you
To tell you how much i love you
And how much you meant to me

Sometimes i wish...
I could roll time back
Not for good things
Not for bad things
But just for you.
Just for you.

I won't cry

When I see back I see it blank
The hope which was struggling is finally dead
Forgetting you so soon is very hard
To stop my tears there is no guard
But this time I won’t break
For my own sake ... I won’t cry

I would be happy if you were mine
Life would have been full of rhyme
But here I am alone
Just in sentence of my crime
But this time I won’t break
For my own sake ... I won’t cry

I lost you...

Yesterday night while seeing your pictures

I thought if I could hold you tight

Wanted real presence of yours

Which I could catch in my sight

A silent tear rolled out of my eyes

And I realised … I lost you

Regret is the only feeling which I feel everyday

Feelings which I have are not easy to say

The only thing I know I didn’t deserve this pain

I had something real which is flowing in my vein

My heart you took and broke it badly

Something which hurt me so deadly

I looked at your smiling face, tried out find out why

It was all I could do, to not to begin cry

While sleeping if look at the sky

I could make your picture and feel like cry

On bed I thought who is my best buddy?

Who do I love the most?

And I realised … I lost you

Feeling this much pain

Thought someone I could have

Who could feel me, make me laugh and smile

Walk with me for a longer mile

And I realised … I lost you

I miss old days...

I miss old days….

When everything was so easy

When we used to go for outings and never had a camera

Those fights to come in middle of picture

When rs 500 were enough to have a grand party

I miss old days…

When except exams there were no more tensions

When for a party we used to eat someone’s mind

When we jumped on each other within a single peg

When love was just another joke…

I miss old days…

When an 80cc bike was no lesser than hayabusa

When computer was only for movies and songs

When girls were just in late night discussions

When party meant to be whole night masti…

I never thought this day will come

So many cameras but none to fight

So many parties but no fun

So many friends but no one for you

I miss old days….when we lived the life…

Just give me your love...

Slowly you are moving out of my world

Leaving me alone to feel the curse

With all those moments all those memories

I can just see you going so far

Feels like I stuck somewhere

Pushing my life to be on track

Asking you to give my heart back

And I am sorry for all interfere

I know it is very hard for you

But there is easy way too

Just give me your love and smile for me

Just give me your love and smile for me

अच्छे थे वो पल...

आज पुरानी अलमारी में वो किताब नज़र आ गई

बचपन की तस्वीरो से कुछ याद मुझे दिला गई

अच्छे थे वो पल की जब चाहो तब रो लेते थे
और खिलौने ही दुनिया की सबसे बड़ी ख़ुशी दे देते थे

रातों को जब हम यूँ चैन की नींद सो जाते थे
जब पापा आकर रात को चादर हमें उड़ाते थे

अच्छे थे वो पल जब सब साथ घूमने जाते थे
सी-सी करते हुए भी हम खूब पानीपूरी खाते थे

त्योहारों पर जब हम खूब उछलते गाते थे
जब मौसी मौसा आकर गोदी में हमे उठाते थे

अच्छे थे वो पल जब डर ना किसी बात का था
जब प्यार का मतलब सिर्फ सर पर दादी का हाथ था

याद करके ये सब कुछ आँखे मेरी भीगा गई
बचपन की तस्वीरे फिर याद सब दिला गई ||

क्यों आए तुम !!

जला के मैंने तुम्हारी आरजू , जिंदगी को अपनी दफ़न कर दिया 

हँसते मुस्कुराते चेहरे पर अपने, उदासी का कफ़न जड़ दिया 

अलग थे रास्ते अलग थी मंजिले 

फिर क्यों थोड़ी दूर भी साथ चले

वादा कर दिया जब हमने जिंदगी भर साथ निभाने के लिए 

तुम कहते हो की खेल रहे थे तुम हमे आजमानें के लिए 

बन गए हो ख्वाब बनकर सीने में इस कदर 

और चैन की नींद में हो तुम इन सबसे बेखबर

आज खुदको देखा आईने में तो एक अलग इंसान नज़र आ गया

ऐसा क्या नशा है तुम्हारा की मुझे ऐसा बना गया

मोहब्बत ही तो की कौनसा गुनाह कर दिया

बस गलती यही हुई की जो भी किया वो बेपनाह कर दिया

अब दिल चाहता है कहीं दूर चले जाने को

याद न आओ तुम कुछ ऐसा वक़्त बिताने को

जला के मैंने तुम्हारी आरजू , जिंदगी को अपनी दफ़न कर दिया 

हँसते मुस्कुराते चेहरे पर अपने, उदासी का कफ़न जड़ दिया ||

Cruelest Love .... :(

LOVE!! The most complex thing ever existed in this world. I tried to find almost everything about it. We worship love which teaches us how to live. The whole world you can see in her one smile. They are luckier who get it. Love makes people happy forever. J

And than there is another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one which almost kills its victim and its called unrequited love. To which I know much deeper. I suppose I think about love more then anyone really should.

Most of the stories which we often see are about the people who fall in love with each other, but how about few others, those of them who fall in love alone!!! Victims of the one sided affair. They are the cursed of the loved ones. They are the loved ones walking wounded.

You loved someone, so deeply without any demand, with all your heart because you loved. But then time comes which makes you realize that it was no good. And then you think those were the worst years of your life, the worst birthdays, new years, and celebrations. The time you have been in love have been the darkest days of your life. All because you are cursed by being in love with the one who does not and will not love you back.

But still you think about her and dream about her. You think like - .

Why am I attracted to a person I know isn’t good but Every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over. Oh god!! Just a sight of her, heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can’t swallow. You wanna forget everything but when she comes in front of you, you can’t resist, can’t control, you don’t know how and what happens to you. And you lose that argument with yourself that she is not for you, because you want to believe that you are wrong. Every time she does something that tells you she’s no good, you ignore it.

And then one day when you come across to your known reality, you feel like broken, flawless tears, you wanna go alone and alone, just out of this world, out of all relations. And it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you. It doesn’t matter how many clothes you get or gyms you join, how many glasses of wine you drink, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder where did you go wrong and how you could have misunderstood. And then you feel how ugly, useless you are. No one loves you, don’t even thinks about you.

Things end!!!

And how in the hell for that moment…you could think that you were that happy?? And sometimes you can even convince yourself …that she’ll see the light and show up at your door…And after all that … however long “all that” may be …you will go somewhere new… And you will meet people who will make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back…And all that fuzzy stuff…those years of your life that you wasted …that will eventually begin to fade…


Courtesy "The holiday"

Birthday Blast :)

Just few seconds back the clock’s needle touched 12 and made me realised another year is added to my existence.

Speaking to my friend over phone & receiving birthday wishes. No expectations for any bolt from the blue and not even equipped. A sudden flash and 2 familiar faces entered in my room and that’s Dheeraj and his wife Iti with my roommate Aashish, Who brought all of the bliss for me to my birthday this year. Unexpected fortunes gives you most pleasure when you are not even ready for them. Gigantic Thanks to all these friends and you guys please don’t say NO.

They came up, shouted birthday wishes loudly and started giving me birthday bombs. And I bet they were real BOMBS, I still feel the explosionJ. Time to do little dance and cut cake. The dance was really amazing just prepared and executed in a well way. Director was DheerajJ. I cut the cake and they just polished my face with it. I can’t even make it up to open my eyes. Went and washed my face, second session started and that polish came again to meL. Captured so many pictures and videos. In between phone calls keep coming, and I was really having hard time to bring them reply.

Each time I thought it’s an end, it was just a pause. They polished my face 4 times with cake which entered in almost each of the hole available in my face. It’s my duty to share all my happiness with my friends and so I polished their faces too with that cakeJ. Iti acted very idly and concentrated her fingers on the camera. We sang the birthday song and finally ate one piece of cake. Time to open the gift and it was a Magnet Dart BoardJ. I wished they could have pasted someone’s picture on both sides of itJ which definitely would have brought the real contentment in targeting that boardJ. They asked me to have that board hanging at my chest to try some shotsL. With these all things finally the night surprise ended hereJ

At birthday being in office sucks but can’t help. Enjoyed day with real friends in office too. One of my close friends has provided me whole day Birthday support by keep communicating on E-Mail. That was the cutest thing I didn’t thought about. After completing the office shift the OnCall Birthday support was being provided by the same friend. That’s so sweet of you and that really makes my day. Special Thanks to YOUJ .

All is well that ends well. Phone calls are still coming. Ending the day and quoting the memories.

Once again thanks to all you for making this day unforgettable. 

Time Matters.....

So Came back with a new one.......This is the one for which everyone has different feelings, kind of which you can never forget, kind of which will bring some tears, kind of which will fill you by excitement, kind of you will say ohhh God Kaash wo time vapus aa jae........

I Still Remember that day when I entered in the college first time and i was horrified of ragging as well excited and little bit nervous but that was a great day. And all different faces were there, just staring at each other. As m an introvert guy I didn't speak much to people around me and was serious. I got ragged in our college bus and I danced on the song "Kabhi mere sath koi raat bitaa" by Murder and for me it was so Embarrassing. As I was an average Hindi medium student who was never interested in studies, anyhow came in Engg and here my future was in trouble coz I was terrified of each and everything came in English now. So I started studying and fortunately I got some cool friends who helped me a lot in mah studies and here the actual lyf began.

All those faces which were staring at each other became friends n now they were laughing at and with each other. And we were 7 in those all having different branches, different classes, different places, different religions but same thinking became good friends. Time always runs constantly, you can’t stop it, can’t make it fast or slow. My feelings were different; I was jus flying with time and those good friends which time has given to me. I was not attending classes now, each day we were having trips to different places, not thinking what’s gonna happen with my studies coz I had confidence in mah friends that we are gonna make it.

I can’t calculate how much I visited outside and having fun before mah college days but still I believe that it would be lesser than I did in those 4 years, in fact I can say I got real taste of lyf, that taste which wasn't having sour memories all I have is spicy and sweet.

And as time passed it was the time to say bye to each other as each one has a different direction to go. And though I came here in Bangalore to search where my destiny was. Searched for a job for approx 40 days and those were the most crazy and worst days of mah lyf I have ever seen. Finally got into this company and again some staring eyes, stranger's and an introvert guy, but this time it was very quick to talk with people and let people talk to me. Got some good friends again but don't have any number to say. We had good outings and a huge photography of each and every moment to catch. But stills m missing those days, Still tear comes when I think about those days, those friends, missing those moments when I had nothing but I had something and Now I have something better but I have nothing worst even. Working in this company from almost 1 yr but have nothing in my palms to show what I achieved more then an artificial smile on mah face and sum attitude.

And sitting in the corner of mah room m thinking about where that damm time is lost and the only thing came in mah mind is TIME MATTER's ..... Though we never care or cared about it.